How to Walk Your Dogs by Maya Nielsen

1. Bug mom incessantly until she can’t stand it anymore, and decides to talk you for a walk just to get rid of all your excess energy (which was the plan all along). 9 or 10 pm is prime time for this as its much too hot mid-day.

2. Jump up and down and make mom swear a few times because it takes her 5 minutes to put your leashes on (she needs the exercise).

3. As soon as the door opens make a mad dash for the car Jenny, while I head for the road. Make sure to turn and admire mom’s “Eddie the Eagle” form as she leaps through the air missing all 4 steps and creating a new Canal Street long jump record.

4. Ok, reorganize and don’t forget to stop and smell the lilac for any visitors. This is also the prime opportunity to wrap either myself, you, or mom around the telephone pole. Once untangled its a straight shot to the next big tree and there’s no traction for mom, so full speed ahead. Last one there is a rotten woodchuck.

5. Look both ways before crossing the street. To accomplish this make sure you wrap around mom at least 2 or 3 times.

6. Phew! we’ve made it to the sidewalk. Our favorite part! So much to smell and see. ……..CAT!

7. Ok, that cat was too fast, but wait…there’s another one, and it looks feisty. Time to take mom for a little gravel skiing. Darn it escaped into the graveyard (we’re excited now).

8. Ok, back to the sidewalk act normal. SUPRIZE! Leap 2 feet into the air upon encountering a toad crossing the way. HOP! Leap 2 feet into the air again.

9. Break time while we wait for mom to stop laughing hysterically at me. (I needed to catch my breath anyway. I meant to do that.)

10. Continue on our way for a pleasant and enjoyable walk full of sights and sounds. If were lucky mom will let us swim in the river.

11. On our way home don’t forget to chase the cat, with mom in tow (whether we actually see the cat or not).